Resilience
Young children who are resilient can calm down soon after being extremely upset (down, worried, angry) without needing the immediate help of an adult. They can also control their behaviour (not fighting, returning to work or play within a reasonable period of time) when they become extremely upset.
Examples of resilient behaviour in your child:
- Stays calm and does not fight with a friend who will not share.
- Stays calm and does not fight when someone says something mean to them. (Even if it is about their mother).
- Stays calm and does not fight and seeks help from a parent or teacher when pushed by a sibling or friend.
- Calms down within a reasonable period of time when they think someone has acted unfairly towards him/her.
- Stays calm and does not worry too much when he/she misses the bus and has to wait to be picked up.
- Stays calm and does not get upset when he/she is not the best at something. He/She still does his/her best.
Ways to praise your child for resilient behaviour
- 'I can see that even though you are a bit nervous, you are going to try to do it anyway.'
- 'Even though you are finding this hard, you are not getting too upset about it.'
- 'I can see you are making the right choice not to fight.'
- 'Good for you, you didn't let yourself get too angry.'
Talk to your child about resilient thinking
- When upset, it is good to find someone to talk to.
- When upset, it is good to find something fun to do.
- When upset, it is good to think 'calm down' take three breaths 'everything will be okay'
Practical things you can do to develop resilience in your child
- Accept that it is normal and healthy for your child to experience negative emotions.
- Provide your child with words to describe his/her own feelings as well as your own feelings (I see you are feeling..., I am ...that you did...)
- Teach your child to say to themselves 'calm down' and take three breaths before doing something he/she finds frightening or when he/she is angry or upset.
- Discuss with your child the importance of finding an adult to talk to when he/she has bad feelings. This could be a parent or a teacher.
- Teach your child to think of all the positives when he or she gets upset or angry (especially when a friend calls them a name.)
- Explain that if they are excluded from a game by a group of people they can find something fun to do with others. (The situation is never too bad, that it can't be resolved.)